Once upon a time there was a Mighty Ultimate Player known to the world as electronica as JdR. He journeyed to your sad little speck of a city from a distant planet on a mission to brighten up the drab lives of BUMLettes everywhere. The Mighty One began to write semi-short, semi-humourous preview posts full of scrotnig insights, and posted it online for the laughably low price of free. Many and varied were the wise words of JdR, some of which the BUMLettes (particular from the HUC) loved and called zarjaz, and some of which were too difficult or past-their-time in terms of obscure cultural references for mere mortals to understand. Of course, written down it all seems so simple. But if this were truly easy then every Ultimate related blog would be updated regularly and this mudball of a planet would be producing posts as Thrill-Powered as this one, wouldn’t they?
Anyway, on with next Monday’s games (as well as our usual ramblings on issues of import).
Mellow Yellow vs Bermuda Triangle – Griffith 3
This match should really be renamed as some sort of charity shield. Two of the oldest Clubs in the League, makes this a bit like Souths vs St George or something, with Rob as Russell Crowe and Rockly and Jamie as Reg and Mark Gasnier. Mellow Yellow will of course be reeling this week due to the loss of Dave the Barman to the Melbourne scene, and possibly from the hangover that followed his Little Creatures fuelled farewell. On the other hand, this departure may reinvigorate the team, as rumours of a tilt at the Melbourne Hat and comfy billets with Dave fire the team up. Meanwhile, Bermuda Triangle will be wondering if they can overcome their Griffith curse and pick up a few happy points.
JdR the Gladiatorial’s Tip: Bermuda by a squidge.
Dyspnoeics vs Plastic Scourgery – Annerley 5A
A few folks have seen the fancy new Dyspnoeics shirts wandering around, as well as meeting the newest member of the team, young Matilda who’s hitting the age where Ultimate really starts to matter (5 weeks old). This will probably give them the edge over the Scourgeons.
JdR the Referentorial’s Tip: Dyspnoeics by a lot.
Wuxi Finger Hold vs Heroes – Annerley 3A
This game will have an ass so big that when it walks down the street, people will say “Goddam, that’s a big fat ass!” Now that the insults are out of the way, we should also make mention of the Heroes’ burgeoning secret and slow attempt to take over the BUML, starting of course with the new and innocent looking website - http://bumlladder.info/ - put up by a subversive who will be hunted down, no doubt. Whoops, maybe we’re still insulting. We don’t know.
JdR the Confused’s Tip: Heroes by a few.
Poachers vs Discheads – UQ 7A
Rounding out Division 1, and for those paying close attention, you’ll see that we reckon we’re definitely into Round 7, and Round 6 (the washed out week) will hopefully be played again another time. We say this because the Discheads would much rather be facing up to the Dysponeics than the Poachers, who are quickly becoming the Charlie Sheens of the competition.
JdR the Gentle’s Tip: Poaches by a number.
The Ghost Who Walks vs Griffith Go-Go’s – Griffith 1
And so to Division 2, which of course is way more interesting, if only because there are more boys and girls involved and therefore the chances of JoeyDan getting it on after a game can only be greater. Not that the Phantom cares about that stuff – he’s too busy putting that skull ring on evil-doer’s chins. The Go-Go’s have been drilling hard before games – is this the week for a big breakthrough against quality opposition?
JdR’s the Optimistic’s Tip: Griffith Go-Go’s by a handful.
Tsunami vs Griffith Oh Yeahs – Griffith 2
Tsunami have scrounged a few wins, but the so-far-winless Griffith Oh Yeahs should not be discounted, having come agonisingly close over their last few games. Still, the students could start to face the inevitable second-half-of-semester-fade, when the study pants come on and for some strange reason feeling guilty about study and so staying home from Ultimate and watching TV instead seems to make more sense than going out for a good bit of exercise.
JdR’s the Masters Degree Holder’s Tip: Oh Yeahs by the least amount
What the Huck? vs Agent Orange – Annerley 5B
Did you know that Agent Orange are the best looking team in the competition, the most wealthy, the most able to have sex with multiple partners any time they like, the most able to huck that disc to any point on the field, and did we say the best looking? Of course, whatever we put here, the Danbot will probably edit to show his team in the best possible light.
JdR’s the Rewritten’s Tip: AO by 15.
Baby Chimis vs QUTies – Annerley 3B
While we’re not totally sure of ladder positions and all that, this is a big game between two of the stronger teams within Division 2. Except for the fact that Trevor is now in a relationship, meaning that if he even bothers to turn up, his wrist strength will be shot and his decision-making with disc in hand will be even more questionable due to overall brain-fade.
JdR the Romantic’s Tip: Chimis by a Bunch
Discheads vs Starlight – UQ 7B
Let’s hope the lights are on at UQ, so that people can view this titanic clash with unaided ocular sensors. Alas, being last on our previews list this week, we give them the least attention. Which means you can stop thinking about sex now.
JdR the 10 foot Infravision’s Tip: Discheads by some.
Now, lets hope for no rain!