In All Fairness: Battle of the Vaguely Orientalists

So in all fairness to the teams profiled yesterday, we figured we should give equal time in terms of made up silliness commentary on the other BPL game this week, between the Cobras and the Dojo Mojo.

Let's start with a few words culled from the newspapers plastered on the walls around the Dojo compound.*

"I'm an old man who wants to dream the remaining days away. Yet not of us can take a nice healthy crap without some fanatic bowing to the stool and singing: "Oh, our great Dojo has again fertilized the world." What was all my hard work for in those games of previous weeks, if I can't fill my last hours with serenity and nonproductive contemplation?" - Attributed to Chairman Phil*, currently leading Dojo MVP voting.

"The Dojo wife sighs. "Come to bed, my sweet man; you need to dream."
"Not tonight. Tonight I would like to love you alone."
"Oh! Dojo-man, the world is too tired for that."
"We must stir it to life then. The sexual act is a revolutionary act."
- Conversation on the Dojo* line.

And conclude with a response** from Finn McC-'fckin'A of the Cobras (who have certainly evolved quite a bit since their explosion onto the Brisbane Ultimate scene back in 2006).

"Tired of the same old you? Tired of being out of shape and out of luck with the opposite sex? Tired of being overweight and under-attractive? Yeah! Oh, hello. I'm Finn McC'fckin'A, Owner, Operator, and King-dog of the Cobras, and I'm here to tell you that you don't have to be stuck with what ya got. Hey, Wettie. Looking good.
Here at the Cobras, we understand that "Weakness" and "Not-laying-out" are genetic disorders, much like baldness or necrophilia, and it's only your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it. And that's where we come in. The Cobras are a highly-trained, quasi-cultural staff of personal Ultimate specialists. And with our efforts, we've can turn that Frankenstein we saw in the mirror every morning into a Franken-fine of a team, that'll easily defeat the old and slow of the
Dojo-whow! Of course if you become a Cobra and do what we do, you'll still be you in a legal sense, but think of it as a thinner, more attractive, better you than you could ever become without us. How do I know? Well, I'm not only the King Cobra. I used to be a wannabe-Cobra too. 12 weeks and 600 pounds ago at the start of the season ... before I knew how much I hated myself. But that all changed once I joined the Cobras.

But don't just take my word for it. Talk to any Cobra who'll tell you how it is. We all hate ourselves, and we're better for it.

We hate each other, and our team is superior as a result. And this week we'll be putting the hate on the Dojo Mojo. So there."

Tip for the Cobras - let the Dojo score the first few points - they'll be so surprised they'll fall asleep, Sensei will come on for a few points, and suddenly the win will be yours!

* Entirely not said or written those suggested.
**Entirely not said or written by Finn.